Hello? Who Are You? Please Stop. Please?

Apparently, a house alarm system without a live two-way messaging center, is useless. How so?

Burglar breaks in. Alarm center calls in.

Burglar answers.

Burglar: "Hello?"

Alarm guy or girl: "Um, who is this?

Burglar: "Erm, it's, um, Mister....mister...Apu...na...ma...lanapaha...ha...ha...ha...Aw, dammit."

Alarm: "Are you a thief?"

Burglar: "No, I'm delivering pizza. Of course I'm a thief. An inept one at that. Out of all the houses in the neighborhood I get the one with the name I can't pronounce."

Alarm: "I would appreciate if you kindly and patiently wait for the police."

Burglar: "What if I say no?"

Alarm: "You don't want to do that."

Burglar: "Why not?"

Alarm: "Because I say so that's why."

Burglar: "O-okay."

Alarm: "If you're armed please lay your weapon on the table please."

Burglar: "Sounds reasonable enough."

Moment of awkward silence.

Burglar: "So. How are things on your end?"

Alarm: "Swell. How about you? Wait. You don't have to answer that."

Both laugh.

Alarm: "Are you biting your nails?"

Burglar: "Yeah. It's a bad habit."

Alarm: "My brother does that too. It drives me crazy. He has no nails left."

Burglar leaning against the wall: "What am I doing? What is this?"

Alarm: "It doesn't have to be this way."

Burglar: "I swore if I never graduated to corporate thievery I would quit. But this problem is bigger than me..."

Alarm: "I'll give you the name of a social worker. She's great."

Burglar: "A hooker?"

A moment passes.

Burglar: "Gee, the cops sure are slow in this town."

Alarm: "That's why we're here."

Police arrive busting up the joint.

Officer: "Freeze!"

Alarm: "It's under control, Charlie."

Officer: Who said that?"

Alarm: "Protect Your Castle Alarm representative."

Officer: "Phew. I thought it was a ghost. Come on you, let's go. Read him his rights boys."

Burglar turns softly to intercome: "You never gave me your name."

Alarm: "Just call me...Gabriel, your guardian angel."

Burglar touches system. "Thank you. I'll never forget you."

Alarm: "Get well."